WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I DARE TO LET GO OF THE CONTROL?
Posted On March 18, 2019
I don’t know about you, but I sure know what happens to me. First, I get a bit scared and then I start to think bad things. I think all different scenarios that can go wrong. I think it won’t work, that I can’t do it, bad things will happen and then I will fail.
I know that all those thoughts are simply a product of my life, my upbringing. A product of my family, my environment, the country that I am brought up in. Those thoughts are a part of me, and I call them “the ego”. The thoughts of the ego are programmed in my brain and they turn on automatically. I know that the ego doesn’t like changes. It wants to stay in the comfort zone, where it knows what it has, where it is comfortable, even when it doesn’t serve me good.
A few years ago, I discovered that I, subconsciously, made sure that having a success was not lasting for a long time. If I experienced a good thing, I would ruin it for myself. I did this to make sure I could control the disappointment of the failure, so nobody else could ruin it before me and hurt me. In this way I could control the disappointment. This pattern has followed me for years and is a product of a family relationship in my life. But as sad as it may sound, the ability to control this, has also saved and protected me from being hurt by others.
So, when should I stay in control and when should I dare to let go of it? To be honest, I don’t have the answer to that. I just know, that I can’t control everything in my life. I have tried that, and also to control the people around me. It didn’t make me a happier person, just a very busy person. But becoming aware is when I can discover what is going on and then I can do something about it. Then I can also detect when I follow my egos thoughts and act on them, and if they are serving me any good.
WHAT’S IN IT FOR ME
But why would I even want to let go of control, if it can make me feel uncomfortable? Why should I not control everything that I do? Because I can’t and when I dare to let it go, I gain so much more. I experience so many beautiful things. I meet so many lovely people and many of my wishes come true. When I let go, I can experience the state of FLOW and it is amazing I am telling you. Flow is when I don’t have to make any effort for things to happen. It is when my thoughts manifest, where I feel lightness in life, where I am relaxed and not overthinking. I am present in life and I just go with it. Life becomes fun and playful and it simply gives me a state of happiness and that I am connected with the universe. When I don’t listen to my ego and instead listen to my heart and intuition, it takes me down roads I could never have imagined. For instance, that I am now living in Spain. I never thought about moving out of Denmark, because I didn’t think I was unhappy there. But I listened to my heart telling me to move to Spain, even though my rational mind, the ego, said “but why?”. “What will you do there”, “why do you want to go?”. I didn’t know, but I trusted the feeling from the heart, and I went. Now almost eight months later, I have not regretted it a single minute. I love it here. I get to be in the state of flow more than I have ever been in my life. I feel more sparks of joy in my stomach here than when I was living in Denmark. I might still not know why I am here, but that is just a part of the adventure, and it is okay not to know and not to be able to control that.
How do I let go of control? That is when I stop asking why and just follow my heart. That is when I win a lot. A new friend of mine was telling me the other day, that when we do things together and go places, I always say “I don’t know why, but let’s go down this street”. I always feel that I need to justify what I do or my choices in life, and I have always felt that. I am not sure why, but an idea is that I maybe always did something different than others, and that had to be explained. But I don’t owe anyone any explanation or justification. It is my life and I can do what I want. So, when I stop doing that, I feel more free. Freer to live my life just the way I want to.
EASY PEASY, NOT!
But letting go of control is sure not always easy for me. Almost two years ago I could not live in my apartment, that I had had for six and a half years. I got some unexplainable allergies and I had to sell it, not knowing where to live. I was letting go of a safe base, while I was doing an important thing as studying a Master. I had to let go of the control and it was nerve-wracking for me. You can read more about that journey in my blogpost from July 2018: “When your life seems to be falling apart but it is actually just a part of a bigger plan…”.
And it is exactly a year ago that I made the decision to move to Spain. From that day and nine months on, I had a tension in my stomach. Like a hard golf ball just sitting there in the middle of the stomach, not moving. I could feel it all the time. The emotions are in the stomach and it was a tension of stress. It was the ego that was holding on to the comfort zone. My body was reacting towards that I had decided to let go of control and instead listen to my heart. There was an inner struggle between my ego and my heart. Of wanting to know why I wanted to go and later why I was here, and to trust the heart, that the answers would come. Luckily I know my body pretty well now, and many the signs it gives me. But still, it is a price for me to pay when I let go of the control, because I am a person that worries, even if you might not see me like that. But I know it will become less in the future, because it already did, because I have had so many positive experiences with letting go of the control.
Every year there is a new theme for me to work on in my life… Letting go of control is the theme for 2018 but for sure also in 2019…. There is no turning back after realizing how fun life can be, when I let go of control and trust that things will be just fine.