April has been a little strange. Like I have been waiting for something to happen and I have felt a bit lost and with a low level of energy. I have the job at the restaurant, which I love. I think it’s a great restaurant, but I mostly love my job because of my colleagues. Even though I am the different one and not from Cádiz, like they all are, except at Columbian girl, I feel that I am part of the team. That they are kind of a new family. They are all very authentic and have big hearts and we have a lot of fun while working. From day one my colleagues gave me new names: “La Vikinga” = The Viking, and “La Rubia” = Blondie. I like it a lot.
So far, I have only been working weekends and on holidays when needed. It isn’t much but there aren’t any more hours they can give me at the moment, before the summer season starts. My plan was to combine it with working as a guide. I got a job at a lovely tourist company but there still hasn’t been any assignments for me yet. It stresses me a bit that I am not earning a lot of money and that I am spending my savings.
I still feel that I am in the right place, I absolutely love living here. The city, beaches, the people, the atmosphere. But things are just happening too slow, and I am impatient. I like to enjoy things and where I am, but I don’t thrive if I have too little to do. Then my energy drops and I kind of fall into some lazy-low-level-hole.
I have tried to tune into my heart but there were no answers to be found about what road to take. This happens to me once in a while and when it does, I have several options that I try out:
I can try different things out, that I like, to see if it works, and if it doesn’t, I can…
…ask for help from the universe and wait a bit and see if any answers/help will come
I can seek the nature to get in better contact with myself. Connecting with the nature is magically cleansing my mind.
But if that still doesn’t work and the frustrations build up and I lose trust that things will work out, I seek guidance from my spiritual coach.
Just nearly 10 years ago I had a stressful job. A job that really pushed me to my limits. At some point it was just too much for me and I was afraid of getting stress. I had to do something, so I started seeing a psychologist through the health care of my work place. Some of my colleagues had also been seeing a psychologist (yes, the company was really pushing it’s workers to their limits) and recommended this particular woman. I had no idea what kind of journey I was about to take when I started seeing her. She is a psychologist, clairvoyant and spiritual thinking in one and same person. What a combo and what a woman.
This thing about living by only listening to my heart, is still new to me. Well, I have always done what I liked and what made sense to me, but to only act upon what my heart and intuition tells me, is new to me. I have decided that it is what I want to do and to live by, because it gives me so many great things and I get to live in more flow.
But I haven’t always been able to hear my heart. There used to be a lot of “noise on the line” to the heart, a lot of doubting and mistrusting. I have not always believed so much in myself. All that came from my upbringing, but that is a different story.
Through the last 10 years, my guidance has helped me become the person that I am today. A happier and freer person. She taught me to listen to and to trust my heart and to follow it. I see her as my coach and spiritual guidance, a person who helps me grow spiritually, because I believe that, it is why we are here on earth. She has helped me to “de-program” inappropriate and destructive thinking patterns and changing it into a “new software”. It has been a journey to here, but this new software is just so much easier to live with. It is a lot more positive and I can now hear and trust my intuition and heart. But sometimes, this software falls back into the old program and it needs to be “fixed”. When that happens and when I feel really lost like I did recently, I call her, and she helps me to see the greater picture again. It’s like doing a puzzle where you have all the pieces but don’t know the motive, and suddenly you can see the picture you are working on. Or when people need a physical detox because the body has been exposed to too much unhealthy food. I sometimes just need a mental detox.
What happened when I called her recently was that, many of the thoughts of what I like to do, that I have had but didn’t know how to realize, she gave me ideas on how to combine it. Now it’s up to me to find out how to put them out into the world. She usually pushes me out of my comfort zone, but that’s just great. I like challenges. But this time it feels a bit scary and butterflies are flying around in my stomach.
I have wanted to work as a guide for some time, and also make my own tours, at some point. But she suggested me to make my own guide company, my own trips and tours in the city and province of Cadiz. To make the tours about all the things I like and appreciate. “At some point”, might have come sooner than I thought. I was thinking that I needed at least a couple of years to get more knowledge and practice through another guide company. But why not start now, when I haven’t got any guide jobs anyway. So now I am “cooking” and preparing to make my own company and the last three days I have been travelling a bit, visiting small organic farms in the province of Cádiz to talk about a collaboration. It has been overwhelmingly amazing and positive in so many ways.Now I need to process a bit. Stay tuned….