…..don’t know when I’ll be back again”….this song has been on repeat inside my head for the last couple of days…. It’s a very suitable song for where I am right now, because I’m at Copenhagen airport, waiting for my flight to Málaga. It’s a one way ticket, so its true, that I don’t really know when I’ll back again or when I do go to Denmark, if its just for visiting or because I’m coming back to stay. Everything is open and that’s just perfect for me. I don’t know what the plan is yet, or what will happen, and I’m happy just like that.

And now I’m at the airport and ready to leave for Spain. It’s something that I have been talking about since March this year. It’s a new and exciting chapter of my life, that feels so right, that I should jump up and down and be happy about it. But all I feel right now is tiredness to my bones, stress in my stomach, and just a numb feeling. No joy but also no sadness. It still feels like the right decision to go, and the alternative, staying in Denmark, feels wrong. But maybe it’s really not that strange, that I feel this way. Since May it has been “a bit” stressful in my life, with writing my thesis, finishing my exams, selling my furniture and a lot of my things, preparing for Spain, signing up for unemployment insurance and the job center after finishing my degree and all the demands that come with that, being with friends and family, and also the normal daily stuff. I didn’t really had the time to stop and connect with myself and recharge my batteries, in a deeper way. There was always a new project to take care of and after that, another one. And now all the projects have finished, and today is the day that a new adventure awaits, and all I want to do is to sleep. I want to unplug and just sleep, but I should be excited and have butterflies in my stomach. It’s not unusual that I don’t have a travel fever or feel that I’m going away. In all my travels through the years, I have never mentally understood that I was going, before I had landed at the new place or country and felt the new vibes of a new place. But today I feel a lot more stressed in my stomach, that I would have hoped for, on the day of leaving. I usually feel a lot more relaxed and relieved, but not today. But I try to give my self a break and not judge myself that I’m not more excited about leaving, than I am. It’s okay to be tired and numb in my feelings because it HAS been a stressful and really busy time in my life the last months, the last year, even.



People, friends and family have been asking me, when I told them that I’m going to Spain “why are you going? What will you do there?”, and my answer is “I don’t really know yet. I’m going because my heart tells me to go”. Some of them then said that I’m brave and I ask what they mean when they say that I’m brave. Some said that its because I just give up things in Denmark and go with out having a plan. But I don’t feel bravery, but I feel it’s such a strong call, that I don’t have any other options. That staying in Denmark is wrong. Right now, I’m in a place in my life where I have to make a move anyway, regarding to have a place to live and getting a job, so going to Spain is “not a big deal”, at least not when my heart is telling me to go. The funny thing is though, that my heart changed its mind radically after my trip to Spain in February. Before that trip, my plan was to move into a community and living with other people and getting inseminated in the fall, and raising a child on my own. But that doesn’t feel right now, there is no energy in that plan anymore. Now I am very excited about why my heart is taking me to Spain. What beautiful gifts and experiences are waiting for me when I get there. I’m not worried to leave without having a plan and I know that everything will fall into place, when it’s done with my heart, that’s at least what I have been experiencing, since I started listening to and living by my heart and gut feeling.


Just up until yesterday, I had no other plans than staying in Málaga for 4 nights in an Airbnb room, at a nice Spanish lady’s house. I have to take care of making a temporary Spanish cpr. number, because without that, I practically can’t do anything, not even get a Spanish phone number or a bank account. I also have to sign up in a Spanish job center and follow their rules, in order to get unemployment insurance money from Denmark. I have no idea how long it will take, but I heard some other people’s experiences, that it can take all from one day to two months to get the cpr. nr. I have also rented a car from Monday the 6th of August and 68 days onward, and my plan was to go west, along the coast, towards Cádiz, a port town close to the Portuguese border. But this Sunday, I saw on Facebook, that a yoga retreat center, that I heard about when I was in Spain in April this year and that I visited briefly, to feel the energy of the place, look for volunteers to work in their farming fields, a permaculture project, for 3-4 weeks. I wrote them the same night to volunteer, because the energy there feels so nice. They wrote back that I’m welcome. So now that’s the plan until the end of August. My body feels so happy about the thought of this new plan, even though it might be hard work, to work in the heat. The thought about having a daily routine, with therapeutic garden work, beautiful scenic views of Spanish fields, daily yoga, healthy green food, having siestas during the day, cooling down in a swimming pool and not moving around all the time, feels so good right now and very needed. I believe it will be a good way of letting go of my stress in the stomach, regain new energy after a crazy year and to land in Spain. So that is what I will do. After that, lets see what happens, I don’t have to think about that now. Now I will board my plane, close my eyes and take a rest.


If you want to see pictures of my adventure and experiences, you can find me in Instagram on my profile alexandra2809.

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